Of Elephants and Kumquats
by OracleDru
Summary: Prompt from friend: elephant, kumquat, and tap dancing. ff pairing, hint at OT3, just humorous fun. femslash


(hmm an offworld creature somewhat akin to an elephant, a kumquat, and tap dancing. ;-) think you can work with that or would you like something else?...and for the next story I give situation prompts not objects.)

Five figures emerged from the shimmering blue water-like surface and walked down the stone steps without missing a beat. The surface now behind them gleamed once more in the sunlight before disappearing with a distinctive, familiar sound to the travelers. They surveyed the area before them, finding nothing but dusty ground interrupted here and there by green vegetation.

As they walked, they were mostly silent, until the dark haired woman spoke up suddenly, "Samantha, are you finally going to teach me this pool game tonight?" she asked, sneaking a glance at the blonde before turning her attention back to the sparse vegetation around them.

Sam smiled, her eyes surveying the landscape, the defensive position she held relaxing when her senses confirmed there was no immediate threat. "If everything goes as planned today," she replied, falling into step beside her friend.

The leader of SG1 shook his head, walking past the two women. "Now, Sam, I thought you knew better than to jinx a mission like that."

"Cam, we're on a routine mission, somewhere on a deserted planet, in the middle of what seems to be a wasteland. What's the worst that could happen?" Vala asked before reaching a hand into her front vest pocket and pulling out some kind of fruit.

Cameron stopped walking and turned to look at his team, his usual grin plastered to his face as he shook his head again. "Vala, don't you know when you say things like that, you're tempting the fates to do something terrible to us?"

Daniel chuckled. "Didn't know you were so superstitious, Mitchell," he commented to the man who was now walking backwards, watching Vala with great interest.

"Nor did I," Teal'c added with a slight bow of his head.

The leader of SG1 either didn't hear his teammates or chose to ignore them. "What is that?" he asked the dark haired woman, his blue eyes seemingly mesmerized by the movement of her lips.

She shrugged, tossing her head in the direction of the archeologist behind them. "Something Daniel gave me. It's very good," she replied, licking the juice from her fingers as if for emphasis. A little grin appeared on her face as Cameron's eyes widened and his tongue ventured out to wet his dry lips.

They all came to an abrupt stop, their attention now focused solely on the woman eating the strange fruit. Daniel opened his mouth and began to explain the object that had suddenly captured the team's collective interest, "It's called a kumquat. It's native to Asia and-"

Cameron held a hand up to stop the rambling of words. "I know what a kumquat is, thanks."

Sam smirked. "Are you okay, Cam?" she asked, settling her Carter special (a gun created just for her during the shortage of P90's) on the ground at her feet before reaching for the zipper of her vest and letting it slip off her shoulders. "Anyone else really hot?" she asked, reaching to take off her jacket as well.

"I'm hot," Vala replied with a large grin.

Daniel groaned. "I think she meant temperature wise," he informed Vala with raised eyebrows. In response, the dark haired woman folded her arms across her chest and stuck out her lower lip in a pout. The team then heard a giggle and turned in surprise to Sam, who merely shook her head and began ripping the sleeves off her black shirt. Both Cameron and Daniel found they couldn't take their eyes off of her.

It was Teal'c who interrupted the intense moment, reaching into his vest and retrieving a pair of small binoculars. Raising them to his eyes, he motioned to the rest of his team. "Colonel Mitchell," he stated in his usual matter-of-fact tone, handing the small tool to their leader. "There is some sort of creature not far from our position," the tall Jaffa informed his friends.

Snatching the binoculars from his friend, Cam pushed them to his eyes before dropping them slowly, an incredulous look creeping up his face. "That . . . looks like . . ." he struggled with his words before giving up and passing the binoculars to Daniel.

The archeologist peered through the lenses before handing them to Sam. "It almost looks like an elephant," Daniel remarked, although he didn't sound so sure of himself.

"It's . . . pink," Sam remarked in a disbelieving tone.

"Most likely pale peach," Vala responded before she too took a look. "Or . . . it could be bright bubble gum pink," she corrected herself and shaking her head before taking another look.

Teal'c stood looking at his friends, his expression one of confusion as he watched his team. "The creature does not appear to be of an unusual color," he informed them, having finally received his binoculars back. Another look confirmed his previous assessment, that the animal did indeed look like an elephant, but it was grey in coloring. Tucking the binoculars safely in a pocket of his vest, he turned back to his team.

In the short time they were out of his sight, the other four members of SG1 had changed their entire demeanors. Sam, although still staring in the direction of what she thought was a pink elephant, had managed to rip her pants slightly above the knees with a knife, turning her BDU pants into cutoff shorts. Cameron hadn't taken his eyes off of the woman, although his gun had also found its way onto the ground, and apparently Daniel's and Vala's had joined it. Daniel, for his part, had begun walking toward the strange creature, video camera in hand. The dark haired woman watched her teammates with interest, winking at Teal'c when he caught her eye.

"Damn it," Sam whispered, now in the process of yanking of her boots and grumbling about the heat and how it wouldn't relent. "The only other time I've been this hot was when I took tap dancing lessons as a child."

Cam blinked a few times, letting the information soak into his brain. "You used to tap dance?" he asked, once again wetting his lips.

Glaring up at him from her position on the ground, Sam grunted and nodded. "I sucked at it, though." She sighed and stood up, now completely barefoot, clad only in cut-off pants and shirt. "Why the hell is it so hot here?" she asked, looking around at the remaining members of her team. "Isn't anyone else really hot?"

Vala walked up beside her and wrapped her arms around the heavily breathing woman. "Shh, Samantha. I think we should get you back to the infirmary." The dark haired woman glanced up at the team leader. "Wouldn't you agree, Colonel Mitchell?"

At first, Cam didn't answer, and it seemed like her question hadn't even registered in his head. Teal'c's eyebrows furrowed, and his protective nature kicked in, moving him toward the three team members before a scream was heard from behind them.

The four concerned people turned, only to see Daniel waving sheepishly at them, his camera now in pieces and the animal nowhere to be seen. Breathing a sigh of relief, the Jaffa turned back to his friends closest to him. "I believe we should retrieve DanielJackson and return to Stargate Command."

No one moved, so he took it upon himself to get the archeologist, so he began making his way across the barren soil. No sooner had he gone then the strange creature appeared next to the women, staring at them with what appeared to be a curious expression on its face. They stared back, not feeling any fear as they watched it intently.

A question was heard from behind them, "You two all right over there?" Cam's voice drifted to the women's ears, his intense gaze still fixated solely on the two members of his team standing before him. Sam and Vala did not turn around, but continued to watch the strange creature as it returned the favor, its eyes never leaving their faces. "Can you hear me?" he asked, waving a hand in front of the half-dressed woman's face. Rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest, he blew out a puff of frustrated air and remarked loudly, "It would be really hot if you two started making out right now."

Turning toward the dark haired woman, Sam's hand snaked its way up Vala's arm as Cameron stood watching, transfixed, as the blonde woman closed the distance between herself and her friend. Lips met and the leader of SG1 found that not only had breathing become insignificant, but he also felt blood rushing to a certain place on his body. He tried to tell the women that he had been joking, but no sound emerged from his throat when he opened his mouth.

Just then a strong hand landed on his shoulder, causing Cameron to jump and step away from his tall Jaffa teammate. Teal'c's other hand was wrapped securely around one of Daniel's arms, and he appeared to be leading the archeologist back to the Stargate. Following Cam's gaze, Teal'c finally noticed what the other man had been staring at when he first walked up. Still locked in a heated embrace were the two female members of their team. With what sounded like a grunt of sheer and utter frustration, Teal'c released Daniel's arm and made the few short steps to Sam and Vala.

"Hey!" Vala protested when she felt two strong arms wrap themselves around her waist and lift her up into the air. When she received no response, she sighed and placed her chin in her upraised palm, her elbow resting comfortably on the broad shoulders below her. "Later," she mouthed to Sam, who responded with a cheeky grin.

Turning back to the two men still standing beside her, their mouths slightly open as they stared at her in shock, the blonde woman began to pick up her things, the grin still plastered to her face. Finally straightening, she met the men's gaze head-on. "What?" she asked in the most innocent tone she could muster.

"Yes, SamanthaCarter, I concur with JanetFrasier. There was no pink elephant. It was merely a figment of your imagination," Teal'c calmly informed his friend, a slight smile playing at the corners of his lips as he watched her reaction.

The blonde shook her head, her cheeks burning red with shame as she rocked back and forth on the infirmary bed. "I just don't understand why we seemed to do everything Cam suggested. I knew he was joking about making out with Vala . . ." trailing off, her blue eyes darted to the bed beside her, where the dark haired woman winked in her direction. This sparked another grin from the blonde before she turned back to the Jaffa standing beside her bed.

Janet chuckled as she leaned against Vala's bed and answered Sam in a highly amused tone, "I believe whatever the trigger was, it had different effects on all of you. It's my assumption that Teal'c was never affected, therefore he saw whatever was really in the field, whereas the four of you all saw a . . ." she paused momentarily to suppress a giggle before continuing, "a pink elephant, and it sparked several reactions in each of you. Sam, according to Teal'c, your temperature shot up, and you began removing clothing." This remark was accompanied with a raise of the eyebrows, although one side of the doctor's mouth did curve upward uncontrollably. "Daniel went off in search of the strange creature, hoping to document it on film and was chased by a figment of his imagination. Colonel Mitchell . . . I hear you were irritable and the girls did whatever you suggested to them."

"What about me?" Vala asked, her fingers trailing lightly over the doctor's lab coat sleeve closest to her.

Smiling, the doctor looked over at her patient and replied with a shrug, "Highly suggestible?" she offered. With a wink of her own and a pat on Vala's hand that was still on the bed, Janet grinned in Sam's direction and motioned with Teal'c to come with her.

Once they had disappeared from sight, Sam turned to Vala and smiling remarked in low tones, "How do you think the guys would react if they knew about the three of us?"

Giggling a little, Vala leaned back on the bed and shot Sam a knowing look. "They'd probably keel over from the shock . . . and then wouldn't shut up about it."


End file.
